Nervous Blogging

I have been blogging and replying to blogs in all of my free time today... that isn't saying much but my blogging has gone up. If it was being graphed there would be a spike today. Right now I am on my lunch. This consist of a piece of lasagna from yesterday and a Wild Cherry Pepsi. The Pepsi is making my stomach hurt but I must extract the caffeine from its cola insides. Why?

Well, it happens once a week at least: The coffee incident. I usually have 2 cups of coffee a day. This is for its health benefits and to make my eyes pop open far enough to read a computer monitor. Today I got through my first cup and poured a second. Then I got very busy, there was a newsletter to get out and some articles to edit (or at least spruce), there were phone calls and emails and ... things ba dumbum. My second cup of coffee got about half drunk. I reach for it, not thinking, over an hour later and take a big sip... STONE COLD. Then, what do you do? Run to the bathroom and spit it out? Spit it back into the cup? Try to gag it down? I did the gagging thing.

Why does this incident strike me so if I do it once a week? It doesn't. I am nervous blogging. I feel like I need to start creating thing or I will burst. This is a quick and easy way to do that. It also keeps my thought busy so I don't fret about the fact that I have not gotten a reply from grad school yet. I am nervous blogging because I feel directionless and stranded. I complain about work too much and I do too little to improve my situation and my life. I hope I am looking into grad schools for the right reasons, not just as an escape from my current life and situation.

I did discover something today. One of my friends got a reply from the same grad school I applied for. I feel sad that she did not get accepted but I am excited to realize that I would still go even though she may not be there. I am excited to learn that I was applying for myself and not just to attend the same school as someone that I am close to. I am able to separate the emotion. Being sad for her, and being excited that I still have a chance to get in... EVEN THOUGH THEY NEED TO HURRY THEIR ASSES UP!! hem...