How To Get Lost in Las Vegas: It's easier than you think!

I mentioned before that I was having trouble adjusting to living in Las Vegas. That is not because of the fact that I moved here during the summer and nearly died of heat stroke every time I went outside. It is not because the people in Las Vegas think that they need to over compensate for the heat by having the air conditioning set to exactly 50 degrees F. It’s not because there is no way to get a job in this town unless you know a guy who knows a guy. It is not even because I just finished college and have no idea what I am going to do next. No, the thing that I have the most trouble with is getting driving directions in this town.
Las Vegas was one giant planned city right? All the roads run toward the cardinal directions right? Well yes, that is how it appears on maps and that is how it was explained to me when I began driving in this city. What they fail to mention, and what is not clearly marked on the map is the fact that certain roads just end. They dead end at a community or a patch of desert. When you find yourself in these predicaments you think to yourself: How can this be? I know that there is more of this road further to the North. Could I really have gotten that lost that I found the end of this road? Am I even in Vegas anymore? Your mind starts to go into a blind panic and you start to hyperventilate. You call your boyfriend at work and he has no idea where you are! Great, the local telling you that you are even more lost than you thought you were.
Or how about this one: You are driving. You actually intend to leave town. Boyfriend tells you where the freeway is and you go toward it. It isn’t there because, instead of saying, “There be the freeway,” the freeway has a name. You have to get on the named part of the freeway to find the interstate. Interesting, no?
Another beauty point is the fact that no one seems to know cardinal directions. North, South, East, West, are all foreign. Instead they give you the intersection of two streets. This is incredibly useful if you know where both of those streets are and the approximate location of point of intersection. If you have a vague impression of where those streets might be you still end up getting lost.
The signs in Las Vegas are posted at the intersection only. This is a problem if you are the 56th car away from the stop light and you are not in the lane that you need to be in. There is the potential, at any given point on a road, that there will be five lanes. Inevitably, the one that you need to be in, the right turning lane also carries through traffic. These people get very snippy if you have to slow them down so you don’t have to power skid around the corner.
I am the type of person that needs directions to be very precise and descriptive anyway. Not only do I need cardinal directions but I need land marks. I need approximate mileage and a safety check like, “If you hit x, then you have gone too far.” I also need alternative directions so that if I do hit that check point I can navigate my way back on course. Even if those alternative directions are, “turn around you have gone too far.” If ever there was a person who needed a Global Positioning Satellite System in their car it is me. I nice pleasant voice that says: In .27miles you will need to make a left turn.
I am from Minnesota originally. This is how we give directions. “You going to WalMart?”
- Take a left out the driveway. That is County Road. 6.
- Take that about 3 miles to Hwy. 15. Take a right on 15. (actually we wouldn’t say 3 miles we would say 3 minutes)
- 15 will take you all the way to Buffalo. It is about 12 miles. (again 12 minutes)
- When you get into town there is an Arby’s on your left and a Perkins on your right. You want to get into the left turning lane at the stoplight and take a Left.
- This road will take you to Wal Mart.
- It will be on your left hand side and it will have its own stoplight. The middle school will be on your right.
- Don’t worry if you miss the stoplight there is second driveway about 100 yards away, you can get in there.
I am of course paraphrasing. I am also giving the most simplified directions. I could have taken the back roads and the whole trip would have taken 8 minutes. I am happy to say that I am getting better at driving around. I have learned which roads dead end and which roads intersect. The only thing that still bothers me is that all the roads are named random names. I think that they should have some named and some numbered. That way you can tell if you are on a North/South road or if you are going East/West. You would also be able to determine where they intersect by how high or low the number is. That is just my Midwestern logic though. I also approve of the way they do it in some California Cities. If they are expecting a high volume of traffic on the road they have pre-warning signs. “The road coming up is called Nextroad.” That way you have time to get into the correct lane before the intersection.
It could really just be me. I may be exceptionally bad at following directions. Somehow, I really doubt it.