Currently I am on the job hunt. A recent graduate, you would think that there are plenty of positions available for a willing candidate like myself. No, no. There really isn’t. I have been working retail to have some income and the store that I have been working for the past few months has just closed due to economic turbulence. (I blame Bush because he is the correct person to blame) I pouted for a while. Then I got really, really angry. Ran away from home, came back, and have been on the warpath ever since.
Here is the deal. There are no jobs for qualified candidates. You are either over qualified or under qualified. I, being just right, have no position in the world. (Pardon the pun.) Well, desperate to make myself feel as if I am doing everything in my power to get a job took an interview that was not a real interview. This “interview” was one of those corporate things were they want you on their team because they are desperate, but they need to spend money or take a class or buy in. I tried to convince myself that this one would be different.
This “interview” was most defiantly different. This one as infinitely worse! In other circumstances such as this I would dress nice, go in and watch a presentation for an hour, and fill out a card that says “I am really not interested,” and leave. This unique gathering included a meet and greet… I was stuck for 45 minutes talking about my education, where I grew up, and why I am Vegas and I am telling all of these thing to perfect strangers. Not only that but it was a tiny room with about 50 people all greeting away! So I had to yell my life story 37 times and try to hear the other people’s life stories as they yelled them at me.
I began to amuse myself about saying things that were completely fictional or not even say words at all and see how many people caught on. I also began introducing people I had just met as if I knew them. This was my favorite game. I told new faces about other people’s kids and where they grew up and placed myself neatly into the story. The most interesting part is that none of the people who heard my real life story ever decide to correct me. They thought it was a gas. I did get one off hand comment about how well I was going to do in the world of business. Oh, how well I would do.
Like I said, this was a 45 minute venture so I had a lot of time to think and daydream while I repeated people’s life stories back to them. I imagined myself as a new business upstart just breaking into the world in the early 1990’s. I visualized myself in a three button suit and Jimmy Chu stilettos. Watched as the third insurance sales man looked at my legs and ass and smiled. I think I would make a very sexy business woman. Hair all wound up tight with brief case in hand.
Well the meet and greet was ended by a bout of ferocious hand clapping. I thought I was released… but then I got to watch the aforementioned presentation. A stirring video about struggling families and hear very nervous people talk about money. I counted the Um’s there were 37. I counted the misspoken words, there were 18. I even counted the nervous laughs, 7. All and all it was a very successful presentation.
But wait! There is more. There is always more. After the presentation there was a card handed out to every participant (captive). I filled in my name and who had referred me and tried yet again to escape. This woman, looking over my card, and noticing that I never wanted to see them again chased me down the hall. She asked me if I had any questions and I said no. She led me to a small conference room where I thought she was going to murder me and told me to wait. She was going to go get the person who invited me to the meeting and have them talk to me. When my recruiter came in I had had enough. I very pointedly explained that I was here for a job. Not to buy insurance or start my own insurance agency.
Finally she let me go but not with out assuring me that my information would be kept on file for future reference and she hunted down a brochure and a business card so I could keep them in mind. Oh, I have. They have been on my mind since last night when I was nearly accosted by a 5’1” grandma in a two-sizes-too-big-plum business suit from Dress Barn. I am thinking about it so much that it warrants a blog. I am thinking about it so much that I no longer want a job…
Wait, what? Maybe some of their brainwashing did get to me.
No. I do suggest that you go to one of these things. It is a free way to entertain yourself on a Wednesday night. Bring a friend; make a game out of getting business cards. It is an experience.
However, if you are looking for a job and you are easily frustrated after looking for career opportunities all day, do not go to one of these. When the recruiter emails you do not respond. Go to the bottom of the email and click on the “do not contact me ever again” link. It was only through the process of writing this that I have come to find the humor in the situation. Last night, I was pissed.
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